i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
