Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
