his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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