went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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