he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize