i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
