we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize