Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
