god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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