And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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