He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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