you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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