no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
