i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize