I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
