If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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