Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
