it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
