I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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