so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
