all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
