her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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