his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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