so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
