3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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