Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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