the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
