i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I believe in your delicious
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
