i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
