That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A+ Viking dick
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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