i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
