He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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