Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
