Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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