ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
