Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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