just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
