The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
