Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
