Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize