It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
