very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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