I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize