i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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