We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
