i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
