Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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