allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize