i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
