oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
