theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
