I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
