oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
