I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
