a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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