I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
