You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
