I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
