For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
