I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
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