You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
