I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize